Heartbroken Addiction – Sarah Louise Rennie

replacing love with glass bottles God

My name is Sarah Louise Rennie, I recently graduated from Edinburgh Napier University after studying English Literature for four years. I have suffered since I was thirteen-year-old with Rheumatoid Arthritis which lead me to go down the dark road of depression. I understand a subject like this is very sensitive and might not be suitable for the poetry competition, but I have had a passion for writing all my life and if you cannot be honest in your writing then what is the point in making art?

Heartbroken Addiction

by Sarah Louise Rennie

Rip my heart out, replace it with liquor,

the way it burns down barley makes me quiver.

Not living, just existing, broken and numb without you,

replacing love with glass bottles God, I hope I pull through.

Replaying made-up fairy tales of you returning in my mind,

and me putting down the alcohol finally leaving it behind.

My joints are all swollen and so are my eyes,

I’ve tried to move on but I can’t seem to cut these ties.

So many hospital beds I’ve lay praying to wake to your face,

so many intimate relations, yet you I still can’t replace.

Bottles, pills and all these cheap thrills have nothing on your love,

still searching, still wondering why in the end I wasn’t enough.

Intoxicated on streets trying to blur out the past,

you were the one good thing in life, how stupid to believe it’d last.

I’m crippled, I’m on my knees, I’m shattered like broken glass,

struggling, self-medicating, my thoughts are racing, it’s way too fast.

My lungs cannot breathe, you’ve sucked out all the air,

Even now I know that you’re gone, I’d like to think you’d always be there.

Recovery from heartbreak, addiction, Lord I don’t think I’m ready,

everyone has got to start somewhere, even though they’re highly unsteady.

When you see light, you see hope,

and when you start to fight you begin to cope

So, I’ll go on and I’ll roll up my sleeves, I’ll show all my battle scars,

farewell to these substances of abuse no longer will they keep me behind bars.

Sarah Louise Rennie

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