The tears began to drown me
I would like to share a piece with you as I feel that some other woman or even men who have been through the same, may be able to relate and realise they’re not alone in their feelings. This along with a few others I have written, are done so from my perspective.
Thank you for your submission Michelle – we appreciate this.
The Guilt of a Mother
The guilt of a mother
Whose baby was not meant to be
Is a feeling indescribable
a feeling felt by me
I labelled myself a failure
The anger raged through my soul
How could I let this happen
How come I didn’t know
The tears began to drown me
My thoughts ate through my bones
Gnawing away at me
Looking for answers still unknown
Maybe if I had better posture
Or lost a bit of weight
What if I hadn’t have worked that shift
Would the result still be the same
The day that I lost you
Haunts me all the same
I’m a failure as a mother
I flushed you away
No burial or memorial
No goodbye or I love you dear
No little pot of ashes for me to hold and
Keep you near
The guilt runs through me
I feel it in my veins
Like little pulses of electric
Reminding me of that day
I shall never forget you
And love you forever more
I’m sorry I wasn’t a good enough mother
To grow you until you were born.
As you’re due date approaches
The pain burns me through to my soul
My little precious bundle
I’ll never have to hold
Michelle Fitzgerald
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